Wishing upon a star
by Victoire Black
Summary: Ever since Lincoln's death, Octavia's been running through the forest trying not to think, not to live. People in Camp Jaha is worried when she doesn't show up in months, but they have other things to worry about behind closed doors. Set after 3x09, but not following the next episodes canon. May have spoilers.
1. The birth of a star

**WISHING UPON A STAR**

 _I do not own The 100 or any of its characters._

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 **I.** **The birth of a star** **.**

The cave was dark, but she didn't mind. She was dying anyway, dark or not, and the reality of that struck her deep into her heart. She wasn't afraid of passing away, not at all. Everyone she cared for was dead, there wasn't anyone on the ground she thought worth of living for.

But all at once, when she was about to close her eyes and let her pain finally go away, her heart rate raised as she watched a little shadow between her legs move. She gasped.

All along, she thought it was dead: it didn't move at all for a whole day, and when the time came, blood was everywhere and no cry was heard but her own. She thought she was going to die alone and she didn't care, but now she wasn't alone anymore, she had something —someone— to live for, to fight for…

But sure she wasn't going to make it.

Ignoring all the pain she was in, she moved and follow, in the dark, the cord still attached to her own body and leading to a little baby between her ankles. Everything was wet and sticky, and she didn't need light to realize it was blood, more blood that it was supposed to be. It didn't matter. Once the baby was between its mother's arms, she learned they were both freezing, and she searched frantically, desperate because standing on her legs wasn't an option at the moment, for the pants that she had thrown somewhere near her. It wasn't much of a cover for a baby, but nevertheless she wrapped the baby as tight as she could. That was the moment she learned her baby was a girl.

A baby girl.

Her little _Estelle_ , her _star_ , her _everything_.

She started crying as she hold the baby closer. Oh, how she needed _him_ at that moment! If she died, the baby died: there was no other way around. And she was sure she was not letting that little baby girl, her only company in the world, alone. Now, dying wasn't an option, but her body didn't think the same way.

She knew the cord needed to be cut, the placenta needed to be delivered, the cold in both of them needed to disappear… But she couldn't help with any of it, and there was no hope anyone would reach to them and help her. She had cried out for ours in the forest without anyone —no grounders, no Sky people— reaching to her, she had shouted in every language, every way she knew, but the only answer she got were the trees moving, the wind around them, the silence once she reached the cave and the sun started to disappear.

She was alone, _they_ were alone, and the cry intensified as she now realized she was carrying an innocent baby, her baby, _their_ baby, into a horrible death. She couldn't possibly die with that in her mind, in her soul. So she screamed, and screamed, and screamed for what it felt like hours, her child screaming for the first time soon after she started, but their only reply was the echo in the cave.

Oh, she couldn't do it anymore… The pain was literally killing her, and as she held her baby closer, she knew her grip was losing strength, her mind was taking her everywhere and nowhere at the same time, the pain on her body increasing at a terrifying rate.

So when she finally saw a light in front of her, she knew that was it: she didn't make it.

"Octavia!"

She heard her name and someone reaching for her, the light now everywhere, blinding her. Who was it? Was she really dead, or the process of it was just making her hallucinate?

"Don't fall asleep, please, don't fall asleep," she heard a rushed and preoccupied voice, and she tried her best. Her throat was sore, but she started talking anyway.

"Ai laik Okteivia kom Skaikru," she mumbled, not really thinking, "en disha ste ai goufa Estelle kom Trikru… Ai gonplei ste odon, ba yun ste…"

Someone interrupted before she could say the final words… _But your fight have just started_.

"You're fight is _not_ over! You're not going to die Octavia, do you hear it?!"

The voice was now far away, the entire world was so, so far away, she thought she was running around, trees everywhere, finally free… If that was death, she thought she could bear it. Or that was before the world shattered around and everything went blank again.

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Hi! First of all, I'm so sorry for any grammar mistake there surely is above. My first language (as you may have realized) is not English, and grammar (and sometimes proper usage of vocabulary) is something I'm still struggling with. So every correction is valuable for me!

Beware if you haven't watched 3x09 first, because this fic starts after that. I will not follow the events that happened in 3x10 or after that, so lets say this fic is canon until that point. You'll find out what I mean later. Right now, lets hope I make myself understandable and enjoy the story!


	2. Aster, Floukru

**WISHING UPON A STAR**

 _I do not own The 100 or any of its characters._

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 **II. Aster, Floukru.**

A little over eight months ago, when Octavia heard the shot and saw Lincoln fall under the rain, blood all around his head, she felt as something within her had died with him. Although she was in pain, struggling just to keep alive inside her own troubled mind, she fell into some sort of dream. Her life didn't seem real anymore, the way everyone looked at her with pity in their eyes, the repeated calls for forgiveness Bellamy almost begged her, the vague smile in Kane's lips as he said everything was going to be alright… Up to a point, it was to much for Octavia to bare at that moment.

So, one night, none especially paying her attention, she ran away. She wasn't a coward, but just wanted to grieve alone.

She couldn't deal with people anymore, so she started running under the storm, hours past midnight, and she hadn't stopped until the sun finally rose. But even there, she couldn't remember where was she heading to. Did she run west? Or was that south? It all didn't matter when she caught a glimpse of a river and raced towards it. It wasn't long before she tumbled down some rocks and decided she had no strength to get back on her feet. She was tired, her heart aching, her mind trying to escape from everything that had recently happened. So she just laid there, the sun bright against her head, while all she wanted was to sleep, to drift into a world of numbness, and good memories, and Lincoln's lips pressed against hers…

Octavia didn't recall how much time she spent running through the forest, feeling sun, wind and rain and, at the same time, not being able to feel a thing. She wasn't prepared to just _live_ anymore, surviving as the days went, not dwelling into the past but also not looking forward to the future. It was sort of an animal thing, living that way, but she learned she couldn't care less.

It wasn't Octavia Blake anymore who ran day and night, drifting into the shadows and disappearing at dawn only to show up the next day with less and less strength, asking herself why hadn't she died already. It was soon, she knew it: she only hunt when she felt it necessary to eat, which could be once a day, or once a week. But Octavia learned it helped her: her mind wasn't forced to think anymore, to even remember, because it wasn't able to work at all. And of course it didn't matter.

She only recalled a few things of all those months she spent alone, but one specific moment struck with her, surely forever.

Octavia was wandering near a city, though she didn't know which. The sun was just appearing over the horizon and a man pulling a cart reached out for her. Did he even thought she had something of value to trade with him? But, of course, the girl's mind wasn't working properly, since she had been carrying a panther's fur over her shoulders for at least a week. The winter was cruel at the Ground, oh so she knew that!

"Hei, yu gada!", called the man, waving into her direction. Octavia drifted her body into his way, and just stared waiting for the man to talk again. But he didn't, as he pointed at the only thing keeping her warm these days.

"Like hell I'm giving you my coat!", she exclaimed, and the man just stood there, smiling.

"Then Gonasleng it will be… You can have anything from my cart… I need that fur".

"I don't need anything", she rolled her eyes, "I'm fine".

The man seemed to be thinking a way to get what he wanted, until his face lit up. He went through the things in his cart until he found what he was apparently looking for. Octavia gasped in shock as she saw it. Why…?

"Gon yu goufa… For your child", he repeated, and the girl stood still, now sure one of them both was losing its mind. He had a small blanket made of wool, a pack of clothes and what it seemed was an almost-destroyed teddy bear. Octavia couldn't refrain herself from laughing.

"I have no child!", she uttered, watching behind her back as if some kid would've been there, following her, maybe hiding behind a tree.

The man raised an eyebrow, suspiciously. But then she realized he wasn't implying she _had_ a child. Octavia followed his gaze and _oh_! Her mind floated to the surface again, disoriented. Her arms laid motionless at both sided of her body, and she couldn't bring herself to face it, not yet, not now.

So she ran.

Running was her scape, the only way she could cope with things since Lincoln had fallen under the rain the day they'd _both_ died. Octavia wasn't herself anymore, and she had concluded a while ago she didn't look forward to be the same girl everyone had met. But now everything was changing, and her whole world had been shattered in the matter of a few seconds. What would she do? She couldn't ran forever. It was getting dark and trying not to crash into a tree was becoming a difficult task.

But she only stopped when the sun was already down and a village —the first village she'd came across in days… Or was it weeks?— appeared in the middle of the forest. It was small, just a few little houses here and there, a big tree in the middle of them all. But she had to stop when a torch showed up in front of her.

"Chon yu bilaik?" asked a voice of a man, expressing only curiosity: he didn't thought of her as a threat.

"Ai laik Okteivia," she said, hesitating for her next words, "kom Trikru. Ai gaf wero kom ste de sheidgeda". Okay, if getting into a village where she knew no one in the middle of the night was a bad idea, asking for shelter could not be worse.

The man started walking towards her, and Octavia noticed it was only a young boy, or at least younger that her. He reminded her of Artigas, and she soon realized how much she missed TonDC… How much she missed Lincoln, and Indra, and Nyko… She shook her head, as if doing so would make those memories vanish in the air. After that, the boy stopped, only two feet in front of her.

Their eyes met for a moment and then the boy nodded, prompting her to follow him. Behind the massive tree, the village was bigger than Octavia had thought at first.

"Mounin kom Aster," expressed the boy, "en ai laik Leo", presented himself.

Octavia tried not to laugh. What an irony for the girl who had fallen from the sky to be welcomed into a town named _star_ , but she didn't verbalize any of that. Would she be safe if she said she was from Skaikru? She wasn't sure where she was, if she was still in Trikru territory or if she had sneaked in another clan's territory without advice. Octavia didn't have to wait much to hear the answer to her unasked questions.

"Disha ste Floukru," mentioned him, while still walking. Octavia felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown over her.

"How can I be in Floukru territory?", asked herself, a little shocked. Lincoln had talked about a clan named Floukru as they were planning to go there, but she recalled from the map he'd shown her, it was far, far away. Then suddenly all the days, weeks —hell, months!— she'd been traveling fell over her mind.

"We are not deep into Floukru territory," explained Leo, switching to English as he raised an eyebrow, "but as hidden into the forest as we can be".

Octavia's head was spinning and she couldn't hear anymore. Soon, black dots appeared in front of her filled her sight as gravity pulled her down to the ground. Somewhere far away, Leo's voice mixed with a woman's one, but Octavia finally fainted moments after.

The first thing she noticed when she woke up was that she was laying on something _comfortable_. After months sleeping in cave's floors, hard ground and sometimes on tree's roots, a mattress was something unexpected. She opened her eyes and as soon as she did, every memory from the last day made tears flood her eyes. _The man with the cart, she being pregnant, talking to Leo, being in Floukru_ … Oh, how'd she wish all that was a dream, just a nightmare! But it wasn't possible, because Leo's face was the first thing she saw when she sat up in the cot.

"You okay?" inquired him, and Octavia could only nod. But no, of course she wasn't okay! Her eyes flew across the room, a small cabin with only the cot she was sleeping in, two chairs and a little table. A window at her left showed the sun already up.

"Is it noon already? Hell!" she said, trying to stand up. But she stumble over her feet and Leo had to grab her arm in order to help her stabilize.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Octavia didn't reply right away, as she didn't know the answer. She had nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one waiting for her… So she sat on the cot and remained in silence for a few minutes, just thinking, trying to calm down.

Someone knocked the door and Leo ran to open it. A tall blonde woman smiled at her and sat down on the same chair Leo was sitting just moments ago. He closed the door but stood there, watching his own feet. What was wrong?

"Hi, Octavia from Trikru", greeted her.

"Who are you?" was the only thing the girl could ask. The woman smiled at her even more.

"I'm Luna," and apparently had no doubt Octavia knew who she was.

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Again, I'm so, so sorry for every grammar/spelling mistake I may have! Hope you're enjoying this as much as I am :) This was only a sort of flashback, but next chapter I'll just dive into the main storyline again. Thanks for reading!


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